:-)

What is the problem?

What questions should I ask when things are growing apart?

Water

I am water.

I evaporate.

I disappear.

You drink water.

I am in you.

Again.

Fault

It is my fault, isn't it?

If only I didn't wake up

If only I had been sick

If only I had fallen asleep

If only I had studied

If only I had been happy

If only I weren't here

Growing...

There's a hole inside of me.

It's growing, expanding, its getting bigger everyday.

I've got an idea

I've got an idea. An idea that is gonna make it or break it, but I cannot get rid of that idea, just because I've got another idea that I should get rid of the idea doesn't mean I can get it out of my head. Instead, it grows stronger in my head, barring me from thinking like I did before I've got that idea. Really, when and how did it plant itself and multiply inside my brain? How, how? I don't know, but I've got an idea...

An idea that is dangerous, an idea that brings me farther from you, an idea that brings me closer to you. Here and there, near and far, everywhere it exists. An idea that makes me question what I did, makes me doubt what I'm gonna do, makes me fear what I want, makes me want what I don't have...

That idea is contagious, and I can't get rid of it.

Anchor

I feel that in life, sometimes u gotta find something, that something, that x-factor, in order to move on and to achieve greater things.

Some may not find it, eventually. Those who cannot find one are those who believe they have everything from the beginning.

It may be a choice of career, a special someone, a child, a house...anything, anything that gives enough courage to overcome the strong desire to disappear or to get rid of the feeling of uselessness.

And when you've found that anchor, it is hard to imagine building your life without it.

I think I've found mine :-)

Yes...what do you write?

Q: What do you usually write? Novels, books, scripts, anything?

A: Well...a book!!??! As if I got the time, really. Think of it, I'm a full-time student and if I work on a book, then...
*Again, thinking, actually I CAN write a book...why not? But, what'd be the subject? Haven't got the time...* - - Really, I can't find the time.

*Well I do write a lot, I write statuses, instant messages, blogs, assignments...*

*What IS writing anyways?*

(Sleeepy...)

For the past

It is weird to see how fast people settle down. Yes it is a process, a gradual process that takes place without my notice. But in retrospect, all happen in a blink of an eye. Last week I thought about someone I used to know a long time ago, around 5-6 years. She was the one who asked me if my writing in anyway is under the influence of someone else's? A weird question, citing it somehow gives the idea that she thought I lacked originality. But that is exactly the opposite. When I talked to her, it was like having a guidance, who would at least spend some time listening to me and giving some real advice.

RMIT at that time was more like a place you could feel like home, like somewhere with real people with real minds and actually know what they were talking about. Maybe they would not go on to be a billionnaire with the invention of an operating system, or a technician with the mind of a businessman, but somehow, they were interesting people. I don't know if the university where I am studying now reflects anything of the university I knew of. But there I was, blue night, the lil' sister of everyone, the subject of interviews and stuffs...

Again it is so weird to see that person is finally having a baby. Well, she is, around 26-27 at the moment. A decent age to get settled. The thing with settling is that there is always the connotation of being 'down'. Like, No, you can't build a happy family while being on the go and spontaneous. In the next five or six years I'll be 25. It is then that I'll be in the spot she is right now. Would I look back on the past and remember this night just like now I am looking back on the past and remember the other night? People always have that period of their life when they think they are stuck there forever, unable to move on, to grow up, to discard of the memories hanging on their shoulders. It is like thinking we are forever 13, 17, 21...