How to deal with a burnout?

Feel less and less interested. Things are getting heavy. Need a rest but cannot have one and dunno what to do. Distrust in people.

Don't ask me why we stop. You chose to kill us, remember?

Gone with the wind

Some came, and brought luck.

They left, and took luck with them.

How to make 'joys'

When I was 15, there was more freedom to choose. If I had chose UK, would it make me any different than I am now? It's just amazing how different life can be depending on what we choose. Left, right, forward. Basically choices are made of three parts, simple, sweet, devastatingly important. It affects the whole body of people you meet, the whole career in front of you, the whole person you become. Imagine thousands of thousands of thousands of choices we have to make everyday, from choosing where to eat to choosing whether to commit suicide, small to big, vague to specific, easy to hard. Imagine the consequences of those thousands of choices that will have an effect on the other thousand of upcoming choices...haizz, sometimes it's just too hard to start from scratch, isn't it?

:(

Poor you, spider, but i've got no other way than to put my strategic pr book on u, 'cuz u scared the shit outta me and i happen to be the human here :( if it were the other way i'd bet you'd kill me too, if ur living in a house in the city and there is no other equipment to help release u into the nature. Sorry for being a student of communications but i dont know a thing about animal communications and have to resort to killing.

Memories

There are wicked relationships that I've been told I shouldn't get myself into.

Though I very much want them defined, they cannot be.

I would relive those rainy afternoons, or those silent nights that creep into my heart.

Just for the sake of being in them again.

I would listen to our music.

To find a note we both could cling on.

And maybe to pick out a song

To say what has been forgotten

Along the way

There could be regrets and there could be one-way roads,

That lead to nowhereness and far from each other.

Tell me, how could I turn back time?

Back to where, I don't know, we still laughed?

You

Many men can say nice things to me, but only you are willing to do what has been said.

Upon faithfulness

It is not about the strange stroke of hair, or a different body odour, it is about the foreign ideas about love, about passion, about intimacy, about self, that implants onto the mind upon an adventure of infidelity. It takes time to get adapted, but sometimes fears takes over this process, and what is left, is a turmoil of emotions.

Beauty

Saturday morning.

Cloudy & gray sky.

Raining.

Lookin' out the window. Listening to the drops.

Still don't know what to do and how to decide.

But who cares, it's a beautiful morning, no sun, beautiffffulll.

:-)

What is the problem?

What questions should I ask when things are growing apart?

Water

I am water.

I evaporate.

I disappear.

You drink water.

I am in you.

Again.

Fault

It is my fault, isn't it?

If only I didn't wake up

If only I had been sick

If only I had fallen asleep

If only I had studied

If only I had been happy

If only I weren't here

Growing...

There's a hole inside of me.

It's growing, expanding, its getting bigger everyday.

I've got an idea

I've got an idea. An idea that is gonna make it or break it, but I cannot get rid of that idea, just because I've got another idea that I should get rid of the idea doesn't mean I can get it out of my head. Instead, it grows stronger in my head, barring me from thinking like I did before I've got that idea. Really, when and how did it plant itself and multiply inside my brain? How, how? I don't know, but I've got an idea...

An idea that is dangerous, an idea that brings me farther from you, an idea that brings me closer to you. Here and there, near and far, everywhere it exists. An idea that makes me question what I did, makes me doubt what I'm gonna do, makes me fear what I want, makes me want what I don't have...

That idea is contagious, and I can't get rid of it.

Anchor

I feel that in life, sometimes u gotta find something, that something, that x-factor, in order to move on and to achieve greater things.

Some may not find it, eventually. Those who cannot find one are those who believe they have everything from the beginning.

It may be a choice of career, a special someone, a child, a house...anything, anything that gives enough courage to overcome the strong desire to disappear or to get rid of the feeling of uselessness.

And when you've found that anchor, it is hard to imagine building your life without it.

I think I've found mine :-)

Yes...what do you write?

Q: What do you usually write? Novels, books, scripts, anything?

A: Well...a book!!??! As if I got the time, really. Think of it, I'm a full-time student and if I work on a book, then...
*Again, thinking, actually I CAN write a book...why not? But, what'd be the subject? Haven't got the time...* - - Really, I can't find the time.

*Well I do write a lot, I write statuses, instant messages, blogs, assignments...*

*What IS writing anyways?*

(Sleeepy...)

For the past

It is weird to see how fast people settle down. Yes it is a process, a gradual process that takes place without my notice. But in retrospect, all happen in a blink of an eye. Last week I thought about someone I used to know a long time ago, around 5-6 years. She was the one who asked me if my writing in anyway is under the influence of someone else's? A weird question, citing it somehow gives the idea that she thought I lacked originality. But that is exactly the opposite. When I talked to her, it was like having a guidance, who would at least spend some time listening to me and giving some real advice.

RMIT at that time was more like a place you could feel like home, like somewhere with real people with real minds and actually know what they were talking about. Maybe they would not go on to be a billionnaire with the invention of an operating system, or a technician with the mind of a businessman, but somehow, they were interesting people. I don't know if the university where I am studying now reflects anything of the university I knew of. But there I was, blue night, the lil' sister of everyone, the subject of interviews and stuffs...

Again it is so weird to see that person is finally having a baby. Well, she is, around 26-27 at the moment. A decent age to get settled. The thing with settling is that there is always the connotation of being 'down'. Like, No, you can't build a happy family while being on the go and spontaneous. In the next five or six years I'll be 25. It is then that I'll be in the spot she is right now. Would I look back on the past and remember this night just like now I am looking back on the past and remember the other night? People always have that period of their life when they think they are stuck there forever, unable to move on, to grow up, to discard of the memories hanging on their shoulders. It is like thinking we are forever 13, 17, 21...

how i love social networks

Since when:

1. Facebook becomes shock place
2. Blogspot becomes English prose (w. sarcasm)
3. 360plus becomes Vietnamese prose (w. sarcasm)
4. Twitter becomes emotion place

See the irony?

Eat, Pray, Love

Because the effect of anoxeria is so awful. Because it is when we no longer have control over what we should have control, our body. Because an idea can get implanted and grow at such strong force.

Eat, remember how much you need food and how much you enjoy a bowl of rice, or a slice of bread, or a sweet, or a sip of coffee.

Pray, for the courage you need to fight against other evil ideas.

Love, for it is fantastic that we stil survive today.

Isabelle Caro in a shot by Toscani

(L'angolo nero 2009)

tic tac tic tac

It's 10 o'clock. Wanting to take a nap.

It's 10:30. Still online.

It's 11 o'clock. Decide to stay up.

It's 11:30. Still decide to wait.

It's 12 o'clock. Think it's time.

It's 12:30. Still awake.

It's 12:34. Typing, still deciding whether to sleep or stay up.

It's...

Story of why I think I should sleep more but cannot.

Perfect girls

I met the perfect girl this morning.

She's slim, wear brand-name clothes of either Versace or Gucci or at least Naf Naf or Bebe. A pair of stilettos from Nine West or Charles & Keith that I have always wanted to try. I fell in love with her purse, the so-famous brown LV. Her hair is straight, shiny, perfectly dyed. I love her clothes. I love her shoes. I love her bag. I love her hair. Her make-up is flawless. Wow.

I met another perfect girl this morning.

She's slim, wear brand-name clothes of either Versace or Gucci or at least Naf Naf or Bebe. A pair of stilettos from Nine West or Charles & Keith that I have always wanted to try. I fell in love with her purse, the so-famous brown LV. Her hair is straight, shiny, perfectly dyed. I love her clothes. I love her shoes. I love her bag. I love her hair. Her make-up is flawless. Wow.

My perfect girls speak language I will never ever learn. My perfect girls are so perfect. They spend no less than xx million VND in their one day of shopping. I admire them so much. They told me money is never enough when it comes to shopping. Brands are their gods. Prices are decorations. Quality is for intelligent people, which, unfortunately, they are not.

I wish my perfect girls were more like me. Less perfect.

Perfect girls

I met the perfect girl this morning.

She's slim, wear brand-name clothes of either Versace or Gucci or at least Naf Naf or Bebe. A pair of stilettos from Nine West or Charles & Keith that I have always wanted to try. I fell in love with her purse, the so-famous brown LV. Her hair is straight, shiny, perfectly dyed. I love her clothes. I love her shoes. I love her bag. I love her hair. Her make-up is flawless. Wow.

I met another perfect girl this morning.

She's slim, wear brand-name clothes of either Versace or Gucci or at least Naf Naf or Bebe. A pair of stilettos from Nine West or Charles & Keith that I have always wanted to try. I fell in love with her purse, the so-famous brown LV. Her hair is straight, shiny, perfectly dyed. I love her clothes. I love her shoes. I love her bag. I love her hair. Her make-up is flawless. Wow.

My perfect girls speak language I will never ever learn. My perfect girls are so perfect. They spend no less than xx million VND in their one day of shopping. I admire them so much. They told me money is never enough when it comes to shopping. Brands are their gods. Prices are decorations. Quality is for intelligent people, which, unfortunately, they are not.

I wish my perfect girls were more like me. Less perfect.

Some notes on how things work

1. I was having a family dinner with my father and grandmother. Somehow the conversations turn into comparing women now and then. Grandma said something that made me think a lot, of course not about what she said, I mean the content, but about the systems behind what she said that somehow made her so firmly believe in something. Quote for quote it goes "Women nowadays are so much worse than before." It caught my attention right at once, and I asked her "What makes it so?". She said "There are many more divorces.", ahha, right at the heart of the problem. I asked her "A marriage has a man and a woman, if there's a divorce, both do it. Why are women at fault?". She replied "But in the past there's no divorce because the women were good. They didn't let divorces happen."


Okay so obviously if you're taking Communication studies you will realize many mechanisms going on here. There are two possible options. First she might be under cognitive dissonance. In this case I think it is better, because that means she understands that what women her time did were not so ideal, and she's protecting that lifestyle and ideology because she didn't want to appear as illogical and inferior. The second, she might be under the influence of ideology so heavily that she actively support the inequality social system offered (and still offers) women. I know we've studied ideologies tons in class, but seeing one so obviously in motion and so blatantly close to me, yet exceeding my powers to control is, I admit, quite fascinating.


I went on to say that "Women in the past didn't have much chance to learn. Without knowledge, they are poor. I mean poor at heart, because they didn't know that there was so much out there." That quite moved my grandma somehow, because she can still see that there are so much progress women nowadays make. But she still insisted that a woman can rescue a marriage (even without love or mutuality) by proper behaviors such as being a housewife, obeying her husband, dressing primly, etc. Well that fascinates me not because of the usual reason that women are treated so unequally bla bla, but somehow it touched me that no one has ever question the same thing on a man! A man, has other burdens, has to build a house, has to be logical, cold at mind, has to have a good wife, a trophy wife is sometimes better. A man has other ideologies put upon his shoulder too, and he never questions it. It's like humans never question anything. Maybe they are too lazy to go into the answers.


2. I talked to someone the other day about how women and men differ. An interesting note. A person within our generation still thinks that women are more emotional and less logical and therefore, somehow not so suited to being in leadership role. I argue that because of the type of education men and women receive, either from family or from school or from societal pressure, they differ in their thoughts (believing that they are emotional and incapable of leadership roles; or for men beliving they cannot be as emotional and sentimental as they wish). This is interesting because sometimes living in this age, we have somehow believed that there exists equality and transparency, but somehow under that facade, we tend to succumb to common stereotypes. One example is books like Men from Mars, Women from Venus attempting to separate the two genders even further.


3. My father said "Women are important because they turn into wives and mothers. And in that way the society is bettered." Two notes on this matter. First, he acknowledges the importance of women. Second, that importance is one-sided. I don't know if that is more dangerous to the society, or less. Whether the women being acknowledge in the light of housewives and mothers feel more encouraged in their pursuit of their life, or more confined to the boundaries of families. Also, where are the men in the baby-making process? Will men play any roles in the education of young human beings? What will happen to those women who chose not to become a wife or a mother? Will they be any less important because of their choice? Should more questions like this be asked?

=)

Some people have their life planned out before their eyes.

Some talk about principles and codes of conduct.

Some talk about five-year plans, ten-year plans.

Some draw out their lover-type, marriage-type, mother-of-their-children type.

Some talk about business they're gonna do.

about people they're gonna boss.

about money they're gonna make.

about fame they're gonna get.

Some talk about family they want to build, children they want to have.

Some draw their children with eyes and hair and body and everything.

I don't talk much. I wish I could do that. Sometimes silence bothers everyone, eventually.

You don't know me

Sometimes I wonder if it's better to live emotional or to live rational.

Live rational I see flaws in every argument and beliefs of anyone. I see the tiny holes and fills them up with my contempt, disappointment, and a shiny opportunity for verbal attack. Sometimes it dramatizes into a breakdown. Then I don't know if it was a breakdown from my rational mind or my emotional mind.

The thing I fear most from my rationality is that it can so easily spot the weakness, cowardice, shame in what other people have to say. It also so easily spots my own vices, stupidity, shallowness. That is when the breakdown strikes me with such force, so much force that it makes me weak and hate myself.

That is why I like to resort to emotions. In emotions everything is so fleeting, superficial, easy to deal with. In emotions I don't remember things after a while. Unlike rational arguments I tend to sculp it inside my mind.

Memoir for a dream

I came to his apartment on a casual afternoon, expecting a talk will help relieve the anxiety and depression I've had lately for my relationship. How and why I knew the address, I did not know. I just noticed it was a too simple apartment, one-room with a mattress lying on the floor, dark as crimson, somewhat similar to the one I've been to.

It had been a pleasant visit until we had a few drinks to share. That was the moment when it happened. What should I call it? A rape, an intercourse, a lovemaking session? None would ever describe the explicit nature and the emotional tangle it brought about. Yes the physical side of it was brutal, forceful, not-romantic-at-all style. The emotional side of it was pain, humiliation, depression and hopelessness.

During the midst of the session did he confess that I was the first woman he's had ever, that I'm someone he wanted to experiment. The anger followed was so great it made me mute and red. I was suffering from pain. What mess did I let myself in with someone who's not straight and who wanted to have a taste of woman? That moment I jumped out of bed and realized how sour I was feeling. It felt like everything would just be leading down straight the drain, not a single thing was worth the terrible consequences I've had to face.

I ran out of the door and kept running. I never came back, somehow I managed to avoid him for good. I was scared, terrified, sore, tired, and lost.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

When other acquaintances turn basterds and bitches.

When work becomes overload.

When body refuses to co-operate.

When love lets you down.

When eating makes you feel too full and not eating makes you starved.

When those bad things happen, you think of somebodies and feel better.

That's when you know they are friends =)

l.o.v.e

Watched two movies today, a single man and a quiet american.

One surrounds a dead homosexual man, one surrounds a living sensual girl.

Both involve death, sudden, unanticipated deaths that came when people least expected it. They should've known what's in it for them the whole time.

Both depict a man's love. The kind of love that can grow into an outrage, a murder, a suicide. The kind of love that also allows his lover to leave, either to death or to another lover's arms. The kind of love that masks itself as anything else. The kind of love that knows better.

brazil - holland

There are days that absolutely pass without us noticing any moments. There are days that pass with every single moment memorized into our memory.

Today is one of those latter days, not to mention that it is my bro's birthday, which in any case, I should remember.

People are so weird. They seem only to want what they can't have, or don't have anymore. When I moved house, at this point I should note that my old house was not like this one, meaning it was more or less (a lot more actually) cluttered, dark and somehow, as someone said it "Not suitable for human health", when I moved, at first I couldn't feel the exhiliration of moving to a better place. All I could feel was sadness, and ambivalence of having to abandon some place. It is somewhat similar now, since last night I crashed my old Mac Mini (or it crashed of its own accord).

Today something funny happened. Somehow people just take it for granted that I know everything about him, which used to be true, but not anymore. It is somehow a relief to say "I don't know" truthfully, not like before when I had to use it as a cover. At some point, I can feel the grip is being released, like moving to a new house or changing a computer.

Ping Pong

How can I love you How can I love you

If you just don't talk to me, babe?

:|

Last night dreamt of that same one again.

It was the kind of dream that I wanted to wake up and get out of bed to write down exactly what I had been dreaming, so that I wouldn't forget it later.

It's the fifth in the stream of dreams about you. The other night the stream was interrupted by a blurry dream of you that I couldn't recall, and following was a nightmare which I couldn't remember who I was with.

We were lying in the same bed in a hotel room. There were two other people, but they were watching TV. I was scared and somehow you sensed that. You held my hands for the whole time we were there. It's like half we wanted to hide from the other two, half we didn't want to hide anymore. We did nothing but held hands, fingers intertwined. Said nothing.

1st one was brutal. 2nd was romantic. 3rd was distant. 4th was melancholic. 5th was united.

efgh

Is feeling a little restless and doesn't like what I feel right now.

A little torn between emotions because some emotions pop up that I cannot control, and somehow Im torn as to whether I should do anything to control them.

A little confused about how I act because I don't know the reason.

Staying up late doesn't do me good but today I want to stay up and got no one to talk to. How sweet.

1234

Sometimes I have a feeling that whatever I say, you'd get it. Whatever you say , I'd get it. Even if the meaning can be outrageously insane or extremely dangerous. Maybe that's why we somehow learn to refrain from talking to each other. It's like watching a football match where you know the teams are faking the score and you can do nothing about it. It's like a feeling that these arragenments are what people want to see, and so they exist.

But I admit, sometimes it's frustrating and disappointing to talk to others and they don't get the gist of what I want to say. It's not that I expect them to, but somehow it makes me miss you. Miss the "Click" feeling and the knowing smiles and nods. Miss the additional comments that always seemed to make me spur, like a cat when caressed.

But after all, those arragenments are made for the better. Or at least we pretend to believe so.

cookie & milk & tea & chocolate

Thức trắng đêm mới thấy bạn bè mình toàn lười biếng, dậy trễ cả đám.



=))

Baby corns

Today I woke up at mid-noon and felt extremely hot. Realized again they had just cut my power. It has been going on for a while, and I coulnd't remember the last time when I enjoyed non-stop electricity. I decided to crawl onto the floor and continued to sleep, having nothing to do, especially out in the heat of nearly 40degrees.

Sleep during the day left me with a bizarre dream. A dream of someone that I constantly dreamt about lately. A strange feeling told me that the dream today might be the last I would have. I sat at a table full with our people, and looked at him. I watched him eat, I watched him handle the noodle (and I had noodle to handle today for dinner myself). I watched him give someone else the noodle. I watched his face, his eyes. I watched how he ignored me. I watched his smile, his jokes. I watched his (hidden/imaginary) tears. I watched his parents, I watched my parents. I watched his sadness, it mirrored my own.

Then I woke up. Nostalgia overwhelmed me and left me happy and sore. I felt exhausted at the coming of such emotions. But I felt somehow relieved, it's more like the feeling you have when you let someone go.

stupid day

vừa nóng, vừa mệt, vừa hồi hộp, vừa oải. fucking sts & fucking result.

I become a Believer????

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it

Too bad I doubt if there is stars above me.

Nelly Furtado

Nelly, u speak what I speak.

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be

Nelly Furtado - Mas

More
than your heart
More
than your emotion
More
than your body
More
I will give you what you give me.

From your soul, more
Leave everything behind, my love
From you I want
More, more, more!

Nelly Furtado - In God's Hands

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come To An End)

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

abc

Chán quá ah.

Nhiều khi muốn buông xuôi tất cả, tại sao lại fải tiếp tục, khi mà đôi lúc thấy mệt mỏi, bất lực, ko có hi vọng, chán nản với bản thân mình.

Vd như 1 ngđạo diễn làm 10 fim hay , và 1 fim dở tệ, ng ta sẽ nhớ tới fim dở đó. Vd như vui 10 lần, buồn 1 lần, sẽ ko quên cái buồn đó. Và nếu vui sau này cũng e dè, còn nếu buồn sau này càng buồn hơn.

For you - Repost

Đừng nói yêu nhé anh
Em sợ tình em không với tới
Chỉ nhớ thôi, nỗi nhớ nhỏ nhoi thôi
Em đem lòng trải ra với cơn say
Để nỗi nhớ như tăng lên gấp bội
Chỉ mong anh, mong anh chiều đi chậm
Sao mong hoài, mong mãi nhưng chẳng thấy
...
Nhưng chẳng lẽ yêu chỉ thế thôi sao?
Hay em đang tự chất vấn mình quá đỗi?
Anh à, anh đừng nói tiếng yêu
Em sợ tình em không với tới
Em sợ em lại chìm trong chơi vơi
Em sợ mai tình lại trôi rất vội
Và em lại mất đi anh tuyệt vời.

Week 1

Monday: Home alone all day.
Tuesday: Home alone half day. Little home-coming dinner.
Wednesday: Farewell hanging-out. Leramisu. Stupid Vincom, nuoc mia =P~ tout les jours =P~
Thursday: Haircut. shopping. stupid boutiques. Cuc Gach quan. Girl's time.
Friday: Power-cut. Stupid cafe Napoly & TN second time
Saturday: Too much to drink and hangover
Sunday: TN & TH on CD. Coffee. Piano!!!! Done practicing Tra lai em yeu, two versions =P

2 3 or 4

measured in years...

Sometimes reading emails and realizing how much care was given gives me an overwhelming sadness.

Sometimes it's a song...it's a note..sometimes it's a gift, an effort of looking for something..or a spontaneous spur of the moment...

But past was past. What couldn't live on will never live on. Just the way we have to be :-)

I'm so stupid

I'm so stupid. Why did I touch her arms so carelessly when she told me she had fallen in the bathroom? Why did I say stupid and superficial things such as "Don't worry. Nothing serious" when I didn't even know if it was serious or not. Why did I take matter so lightly when I knew in such a situation I shouldn't? Why did I come knocking on his door wanting to confront or to inform just to find out that he was the one who had helped. Why did I then go on silent and do my work? Why did I assume nothing is gonna happen and did nothing to help?

After promises to myself not to let down anyone and care more, I fail once and once again. Why did I let my temper take over me so easily? Why did I say things that sound much more dramatic that it really is? Why did I have to turn angry and shout and complain in such a harsh tone? How come I am such a harsh, cynical, evil person? Why did I always want to make sure between right and wrong, what's good enough and what's not good enough? Sometimes efforts are all it takes for someone. Sometimes their efforts are greater than myself as a whole person. And I know I give in to anger so easily. Anger at everyoone, anger at work, anger at my own feelings. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but somehow I managed to hurt them and they all forgave me. What can I do for it?

Feist - Inside and Out

Good song - Smart singer - Pathetic lyrics

Finals *beep* finals

I hate finals.

But I hate more what comes after finals. Days of sem break, of nothing to do, of waiting to start another *beep* semester with *beep* assignments and then at the end *beep* finals.

Really don't want to have finals or sem break or whatever

Wow...last day

Can't believe how fast time is running. It's one year since my last day of high school. What an unexpected day. A Friday full of dark clouds and strong winds and rainy weather. A school empty and lonely. A day full of fooling around, running up and down, laughters and tears, everything except learning and disciplines.

I still remember that last day. that rainy weather. that grey sky. that feeling of last time standing on the highest balcony and looking down the school yard. that feeling of having to wear something for the last time.

And it's been a year. It makes me scared to think that time passes that way. I hardly had time to look back on what I've done and here I am, facing another year with unknown things.

By the way, today Sg rains for the first time in days of burning heat. Guess that can be a coincidence too ;)

infidelity

I was reading through some emails and I realized I don't remember a thing about it. How extraordinary our memory works so well on some and so badly on others. Guess if we don't give a care, we don't remember.

Sometimes reading through something so unfamiliar gives me a shiver down the spine. Shivering 'cuz I don't realize how much time has passed, or realized how much things have changed. If they hadn't, I don't dare to imagine how terrible it would be now. If things hand't changed, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I never imagined the past months would happen, but somehow, through magic, they did.

And you should know how revoltingly unfaithful I was to you during camp, said Lolita.

21 - legal age

From my body I can show you a place, God knows
If you know this place is holy, do you really want to go?

20 - Littliest things

Dreams, dreams of when we have just started things

I wonder if you have the same dreams too?

The things that remind me of you

Sometimes i wish we could just pretend?

Even if only for 1 weekend...

I hate the nostalgia this song works on me

19 - the fear

"A look at the sun and a look at the mirror
I'm on the right track yeah we're onto the winner"


You can touch it. You can wear it. You can feel it. You can display it. But the most important thing is, he buys it.

What is it?

=))

18 - an com

Troi mua. An com toi o nha. Nau com voi mami. Lam 1 o banh brownie.

An com vua nong vua deo, voi ca kho, canh sau nau thit bam. Ngon kinh khung. Lau lam roi moi an 2 chen com. Ma cung lau lam roi moi an bua com Vietnam nhu vay =P~

Thich troi mua qua. Troi mua vua mat vua an com ngon :">

Mai mot quyet tam phai o chung voi ng nao biet nau an, thich ng biet nau an ngon de cung nau chung cho vui :">

SG

Hôm nay trời SG thiệt là lạ. Trời tối, nhưng ko âm u. Trời ko nắng, cũng ko gió. Trời chỉ xám nhẹ, và cũng ko mưa. Tất cả mọi thứ in đậm và dường như bất động, vào một buổi chiều thứ 7, khá ngẫu nhiên, nhưng có thể ko ngẫu nhiên.

Đi dạo ở SG ở đường Ng Huệ vào buổi chiều thứ 7 hanh khô gây nên một cảm giác khó tả. Cảm giác không phải cái xa hoa ở Catinat hay là cái nhộn nhịp ở Bến Bạch Đằng. Mà là cảm giác của SG hao hao giống với The lover, hay trong mấy tấm hình gia đình cũ (rửa trắng đen, đã ngả vàng, ngoài rìa răng cưa). Cảm giác của SG khá sang, sang hơn những lúc bình thường đi bằng honda bận rộn tránh xe và bóp còi. Sang hơn mấy lúc nhìn con đường sạch sẽ kiểu Singapore của PMH. Sang hơn khung cảnh cao ốc máy lạnh ở Metropolitan...

Ngồi ở 1 quán cafe khá nổi tiếng ở trung tâm SG mới thấy được sự dzỏm của nhiều ng. Những ng đáng ra không gây chú ý của mình, nếu như họ khòng làm phiền và vô văn hóa một cách đáng chú ý tới vậy. Ngồi ở đó làm mình nhớ lại giọng nghe rất phê của KL với câu "Trời Sg chiều hôm nay còn nhiều mây bay, nhiều niềm.......", và từ khi mình nhớ ra bài đó tự cảm thấy không cần phải chú tâm tới cái đám rẻ tiền kia.

Đôi lúc ng ta cần ngồi ở 1 quán khác trên Catinat để nhấm nháp cái sự lười biếng quý tộc. Nhưng đôi lúc ng ta cần ngồi ở 1 quán khác khá khiêm tốn ở Ng Huệ để tận hưởng cái cảm giác SG xám xịt trong 1 thời điểm 'vàng tươi chói lọi'. Phải tận hưởng cái uể oải sang trọng này để nhìn cho rõ sự chằng chịt của một cây cột điện, nhìn cho rõ nét mặt hóm hỉnh của một ông xe ôm, nhìn cho rõ cái sự nông cạn của một vài gương mặt, nhìn cho rõ bầu trời xám đầy mây của một giai đoạn nào đó, nhìn cho rõ đường phố và hàng cây vì biết đâu mai mốt, nó sắp bị thay thế bởi building nào đó...

17 - fucking hot

Troi nong wa. fucking hot , fucking tired, fucking hot, fucking annoyed, fucking hot, fucking sleepy, fucking hot, fucking stressed, fucking hot, fucking disappointed, fucking hot, fucking lost

FCUK - what else do I fcuk?

16 - >:P

I hate life,
I hate heat,
I hate exams,
I hate assignments,
I hate tiredness,
I hate myself,
I hate you.

15- someone...or someones

Today I talked to someone. And I realized I miss him so much, his way of cheering me up.

Sometimes a talk with someone just make u realize life is so ugly yet it can be so meaningful. Maybe not so meaningful for someone stupid like me.

Why do you sound so angry today? it feels frustrated, when I try to make things happy, but I can't. There's always something wrong. It's something I asked, or a topic I suggested. I don't know if you're angry or tired or both, for me, I feel depressed as hell.

14 - ....

Lan dau tien thuc toi 7h sang la hinh nhu cach day vai thang, khi lau lam roi chua thuc qua dem toi sang.

Luc do cam thay vui vui, nhung cung met lam vi rang thuc ma. Luc di ngu, ngu ngon oi la ngon.

Roi sau do minh ko thuc nua.

Cho toi vai thang sau...ko nho dc la lan cuoi di ngu truoc 12h la khi nao. Ko nho dc lan cuoi ko co cam giac thuc khuya la khi nao. Hinh nhu tai vi ngay nao cung...3-4-5-6-7h sang.

Nhieu khi co cam giac minh cung ko biet duoc gioi han cua nhung cai khung ma minh co the lam :-s

13 - Noi Tieng Viet ha

Cong nhan minh la ng khoai nghi xa, nghi toan nhung thu impossible, kho co the xay ra. Nhung ko phai vi impossible ma ko nghi, chinh vi ng ta ko bao h nghi toi nen ng ta moi cho rang no la impossible. Nhung that ra ko co cai j la impossible het, chi la viec do co duoc goi la thong thuong hay ko ma thoi, nhung neu ko ai nghi toi, ko ai cho do la viec nen suy nghi/dang suy nghi/co the xay ra, thi dan dan no se tro thanh mot viec ko nen suy nghi/ko dang suy nghi/ko the xay ra. Boi vay, khai niem 'impossible' la hoan toan ko ton tai, vi no hoan toan co the xay ra, hoan toan possible, nhung ma tai vi nguoi ta ko nghi toi nen nguoi ta cho la ko the xay ra.

Nay gio long vong van chua vo chu de chinh. Chu de chinh la se ban luan ve cai viec ma minh nghi toi, do la cai viec ma moi nguoi cho rang la impossible, nhung minh van nghi toi, ko phai la vi minh cho rang no la possible (nhung cung co the la vay), ma la vi minh luc nao cung nghi toi tat ca moi thu (nhung viec nay ko dong nghia voi viec minh se lam cho no xay ra). Chu de chinh la nghi toi viec abortion. Ngay xua, suy nghi theo huong rach roi trang/den, cai gi cung co dung/sai, nen/ko nen, co ly/ko co ly, nen quyet dinh moi viec nhanh gon le lam. Neu lo co accidental pregnancy, da goi la accidental, thi giu lam gi? Viec nen lam la abortion, vi tat nhien neu ko muon co con, ma neu lo co tai nan, thi se ko the nao nuoi con dc. Nhung ma bi h thi lai nghi khac. Neu ngay xua ly do ko nen la hoan toan vi ly tri, vi do la viec nen lam, vi do la viec dung, hop ly, vi nuoi con khi ko chuan bi san sang la hoan toan ngu ngoc, thi bi h ly do cho viec ko nen lam lai hoan toan quai di. Ly do la vi neu quyet dinh sinh con, do se la ko cong bang neu nhu minh quyet dinh chuyen sinh ra cua mot ng nao do. Nhung nghi di nghi lai, co ai duoc quyen quyet dinh se sinh ra dau? Neu nhu co su cong bang tuyet doi, thi chac chan se ko bao gio co loai nguoi, vi ai cung nghi mot cach tinh tao, thi se ko ai dam tu minh quyet dinh chuyen sinh tu cho nguoi khac, boi vay se ko ai dam co can dam sinh con va nuoi con.

Nhung ma con 1 cai suy nghi khac con tham chi manh hon. Do la su luong lu. Tu dung nghi toi viec cai quyet dinh do se kho khan nhu the nao neu nhu do la cua mot nguoi minh yeu that su. Neu do la su ket hop giua 2 nguoi, la 1 phan cua co the, la ket qua cua mot hanh dong cua tinh yeu, la su gap go "one-in-a-million" xet theo khia canh sinh hoc, la su phat trien 1 cach kho hieu cua mot phan ung sinh hoc tu nhung sinh vat khong he co tinh cach, suy nghi, chieu sau noi tam, neu suy nghi toi tung chi tiet nhu vay, thi ai co du can dam quay lai ly tri?

10- Media Kit

urggg I hate u. Don't know wha to do. Had a meeting with 'client' today and all I could remember is "this is the 1st tour launched in VN". Period. Everything now is 1st time, no one dares to say there has been a campaign before. huhu, what am I supposed to write for those media & press releases????????????????????

12 - Sinking...

U say u don't want to live. U hate life.

But you can't stop doing the assignment. U can't stop going to toilet. U can't stop eating. U can't stop breathing.

See the irony?

11 - sinking

I didn't know it turns out to be this way.

Drifting and sinking, without any attempt to lift myself up.

Maybe I didn't prepare for these situations, for the very likeness of them.

So I'd better do nothing.

10 - drifting

What exactly is drifting?

its the feeling that we no longer care, no longer get sad, no longer get angry... just purely moving on, while accepting sth has been lost...

we may still breathe, but its just for drifting away...

9

I'm so god-dammned tired.

8 - distance

In a long-distance relationship, it is so easy to fall victim to little troubles. So easy to feel disheartened by disconnected Internet or phoneline. So easy to feel angry with the time difference that does not allow chatting. So easy to feel frustrated when you're so tired and you're waiting for someone.

But why is it so difficult to relive the positive feelings that used to come frequently? Listening to a song or reading a book does not cheer you up when you're disconnected from the Internet. That's so stupid. It is stupid to forget about the real connection between you and that person and instead focus on the trivial problems. It is so stupid to look at details and neglect your feelings. True, very difficult to remain positive, but since when everything worth to do is easy?

7 - ur SMS

Today, I deleted my whole SMS inbox.

Of course I saved some before.

Hope last week's bad memories are gone with those deleted messages. Good ones stay on as the saved messages stay on.

6. Two and Two and only Two

It is very interesting to imagine you have two men in your life.

The appearance of one will prophecy the disappearance of the other.

The weakness of one will interpret the strength of the other.

The absence of one will entail the return of the other.

It is very challenging to imagine how you handle the two.

Thinking of one makes you forget the other.

Jealous for one makes you tempt the other.

Mad at one makes you have fun with the other.

5

Seeing the 'Buffering' sign on WMP conjures lots of feelings in me.

It is the feeling of every night checking the phone to hear the 'Rhè rhè' sound signals of a modem connecting dial-up to the Internet. So that I could turn my computer on and maybe logged onto vn99 to download the music.

It is the feeling of constantly checking WMP to see if there is any updates indicating that the computer is connected to the Internet. Pathetic but very intriguing and it was a habit I got difficulty getting rid of.

It is the feeling of occasionally using my mom's Laptop to log on the INternet and used Yahoo Messenger for the very first times. Of experimenting with different IMs and emoticons and chat rooms.

It is the feeling of browsing different forums from NgDu junior high's to moviesboom to yeuamnhac. Each has a different meaning to me. Moviesboom where I first read so many posts about movies, where to see so many different people coming from different backgrounds saying different things about just one movie in a long long thread. ND where to discover a whole new side of my school.

It is the feeling of going downstairs sneakily turning on the modem (ADSL time) to log on the Internet when I wasn't allowed to. To log onto ND forum and happily scnning around browsing topics and doing work of a supervisor. To read at vnfiction many different fictions which may consist of up to 100 pages each thread. To use Yahoo more and more regularly.

No more those feelings since now it is so easy getting online. Satellite cable, in-house wifi-coverage, school wifi, everywhere we are seems to be permeated by Internet. There is no longer that feeling of wanting to get online so much just to talk to somebody, or just to download a song, or maybe to reply to a thread on a forum. No longer that feeling of having to get offline because the dial-up bill has been over the limit last month, or because someone was wanting to use the phone. No longer, no longer that feeling of seeing the little two-pc sign and the connection line moving forth-and-back, with the irritating sound when connecting to the INternet. Everything is so much easier now. Say goodbye to the struggles of getting Internet.

4

Der Spiegel - I love you :))

I like reading features on Spiegel, especially interviews. Last time it was the sharp-tongued attack on Greece's PM. This time it's a confession from a French author. How extraordinary!

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,678806-3,00.html

"And because he was 10 years older than me, I thought that he automatically had to be somewhat more faithful than me, not completely, but a little. It wasn't the affairs as such that sparked my jealousy, but the perception that he was taking away attention and time from me and giving it to other, younger women. I was like a child vying for more paternal attention.", her remark on jealousy.

And it is indeed very true, and yet, very oftenly neglected. The fact that we get jealous, is sometimes blinded by our own perceptions that we get jealous out of love. However, on a second thought, it may be just because what we experience is not normal, not something we have accustomed to. In other words, jealousy stems from feelings of unfamiliarity and fears of adaptation.

Jealousy, in its healthiest state, is not a product of possessiveness. It is a sign of realization that something has happened, and there needs to be changes.

formspring.me

ask and stay anonymous =)) http://formspring.me/qglh

3

School again.

Just the beginning of the new semester and there's already so much work. Or to put it more correctly, so much prospect of heavy workload. So far, the courses have promised to be somewhat more challenging than the last sem's, but at the same time, more confusing as they deal mostly with concepts and creativity and the like. At the same time, they have been more intimidating than ever as there entails a hell lot of drawing, and, sketching, and also, doing Photoshop! (my prejudiced and alleged nightmare).

The more I talk with so these days, the more I feel urged. Impatient about my career, mostly. The beginning of college has still left on me a feeling of dizziness and so much immersion that I seldom find time for myself to realize a vision, or at least to decide what I want to do in the future. The more we discuss, the more something urges me to set up a goal about my studies and work especially about what field I'd enter and where I'd like to work and where my studies would be most utilised. All in all, going abroad it seems just a matter of time. Though many question my condition now, it remains to be seen whether my decision to stay has been of good or bad consequences. So far, I'm making the best use of my choice now.

So far, so good.

Or...I hope so, at least.

2

Tet is over.

It is over just like 2 years ago when I could feel the most. It is not like last year, when after Tet I still had some other holidays to keep the ball rolling. I lured myself into writing a blog during this Tet maybe to find some inspiration, but needless to say I now find myself lazy at keeping it going. When people are young they can write about almost everything they know. It is as easy as popping some corns. Just put in there and pop, it goes all big. But time passes and we feel sometimes it is totally ridiculous to write down something about ourselves. And it leads to a habit of bottling up day by day. And of course, no choice is better than the other, because neither way can retain the happiness.

Having said that, who said happiness does exist? It is merely a word each employs to cover their own agenda. Some use happiness for pleasures, some use it for competitiveness, some use it for complacency, some just mix knowledge and wisdom with happiness, and some, of course, use it to cover the fact that they are so blank they have nothing to savour, no pleasurable sensations.

1

In one year my features have somewhat changed. My eyes grow deeper [maybe due to some serious lack of sleep due to semi-/pseudo-insomnia. My lips become more pouty and rounder, curving up into a shape that makes me look half indifferent half arrogant. Nose becomes clearer and face gets into place. Hair is still long and skin is still prone to pimples.

But in exchange to this, I seem to lose my mind. Can only work on short-term goals for now: Get HDs, Get good recommendations, Make good connections, Make money, Graduate.

I seem to lose a vision, not that I used to have one before. I seem not to know whether I prefer to live here or abroad. In either way I don't know how to best fulfill the decision. I seem to have problems envisioning a lifelong life. I can only work with short-term goals and touchable sensations.

P.S.: Two years, if you think I am still the person I was before, please remind me of who I was.

First entry!!!

Tết 2010. Lẹ quá trời lẹ. Yahoo chết ngắt từ năm ngoái, ko ai thèm blog nữa. Facebook thì quá đại trà, khỏi blog người ta cũng đọc, ko muốn đọc cũng phải đọc, ko quan tâm cũng biết, mà có quan tâm cũng hông biết quan tâm gì nữa!

Tự nhiên tạo blog này xong nhìn thấy tên Quynh Nguyen mà vui vui. Lâu rồi mới thấy cái tên này lại, mà cũng nhờ cái blog cũ mà quen tùm lum người, một vài người do nhầm lẫn mà add cũng như một vài người vu vơ ở đâu add đại, vậy mà cũng vui hơn facebook.

Thôi nói vậy đủ rồi, nói nhiều quá thành ra vô duyên dễ sợ [dù blog này chắc ko ai thèm coi vì bi h ai cũng bận rộn, có ai rảnh thời gian viết cái blog đâu]. Nên thôi ko nói nữa và để nhạc cho đỡ buồn vậy:

http://www.nhaccuatui.com/nghe?M=E_cZLgl3MD

Update năm con Trâu:

1. Dọn nhà
2. Đổi nhà
3. Đổi trường

Anticipate năm con Cọp: ...